Thursday, September 19, 2013

Dear Vile: Aftercare (BDSM)



Aftercare (BDSM)
From: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This article is about the sexual practice. For other uses, see Aftercare (disambiguation).

In the context of the sexual practice of BDSM, aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities. BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization. Aftercare also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the dominant and the submissive.
Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience. While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.
Common aftercare practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more "vanilla" sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense scene may also be considered as part of aftercare.
It is often thought in a submission/dominant relationship, only the submissive requires aftercare following BDSM activities. However, a dominant may require less, just as much, or more aftercare depending on the scene, person, experience level, and other factors. The role of submissive or dominant is unrelated to the amount of aftercare someone needs and should not be thought of as a metric in this regard.
In long distance relationships, a potentially useful practice when engaged in remote BDSM activities is to facilitate aftercare by the exchange of emotionally significant items which can be clung to for reassurance, though success of this depends on both parties' level of emotional investment in the relationship.

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If you sat down and wrote a list about your needs while in a M's or D's relationship aftercare should be the first thing. It'd better be at number one, not two or three or five or six, number one. Here in a few I will explain my proactive aftercare.

You start playing or maybe you call it a session, maybe your submissive or slave is into hard impact play. Maybe you the Dom enjoys getting rough, but the submissive is really not into the rough play but goes along with to please. If your anything like me my play time can last for an hour or more. 

During this time the sub is giving all they have, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We take what is giving and then more. We want satisfaction out of our play time. Sometimes we go as far as pushing limits, just to see how far we can take our property. If we have pushed or maxed a limit we the Dominant gains a high, a rush, the adrenaline starts to flow. I have gotten so excited I have had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts, catch my breath, and the submissive is just laying there waiting not knowing what is on the Dominants mind, or how much longer the session is going to go on for. 

After play this is when the first of aftercare kicks in. Communication should be first, asking and digging for questions. We want to know where the submissive is at right now, what their thoughts are, how they are feeling. Talk about any limits that were pushed.  This is very important. We need to know if we pushed to far, what if the submissive did not like something it should be talked about, maybe there is another avenue we can take to make that part of the session different.  Many will play and give even if they are getting nothing out of it, this is done just to please. 

We should hold and cuddle while in the aftercare mode. We should praise and speak very highly of the submissive's actions. Make sure to cover every part of the scene, being sure to not miss anything.

Okay I am guilty of not going into the full aftercare mode at times, but when it does come to aftercare I am proactive. 

Proactive aftercare consists of constant praising, when something is done comment about it.  The idea is to build up, make one feel confident. We want to build up their self esteem if needed and in most cases it is needed. This is what I mean by being proactive.

If aftercare is not performed sub drop occurs and despite what most think I do believe sub drop can be prevented with the practice of aftercare. Sub drop occurs mostly when the two do not live together or the submissive is left alone.

The proper aftercare is very important and will vary from submissive to submissive. Some, after play want to be left alone for a period of time, giving them time to gather their thoughts and feelings, while some do not want any aftercare at all. 

You the submissive, if you feel this area is being neglected speak up, you have this right to insure you are being taking care of, you have the right to express your needs.

I am telling you from experience, if aftercare is giving and the proper amount, what use to be limits will soon start to fade away, what use to be inhibitions will soon begin to fade away. The more we as Dominants care and we show we care the more the submissive will want to give. 

Aftercare is a must.

What would you like Vile to chat about?
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Email: viledesires62 (at) aol (dot) com

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